Transformation

​I’ve been transforming myself lately. Two years ago, if I had some time to myself, the TV typically came on. I liked a few primetime shows as well as a lifestyle show that has segments about décor and cooking which I’ve learned a lot from as I feed my family and design our new spaces. But watching TV was no longer life-giving – it was a way to check out.
I don’t think there were any big issues that I was checking out from. I was just living life in a comfort zone. But I also wasn’t growing and it took some serious navel-gazing to realize I wasn’t happy in my comfort zone – just comfortable. I wasn’t doing any of the things that give me real joy – like writing.
Getting to the point of realizing that I was accepting too little for my life was a journey begun because of some frank discussions with my kids. They were the ones that pointed out that I was underwhelming as an example of how to live. They were kind in how they said it, but they definitely said it. I appreciate their candor. I feel a little - in the past year or so - like I’m following their example. Which is ok. Maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen as they find their place in the world and reach for more and better things than we did. The point is that as I watch them, I’m not sitting back and feeling like its too late for me. I want to grow and change still. I don’t want to decide at almost 50 that its all downhill from here. I’m still good with some uphill climbing. Because when I get to each small peak, the view and the joy of accomplishment will be so worth it. I’ve already seen some of the benefits and although the journey can be difficult, my eye will remain on the prize.
So how have I been transforming? I’m learning different ways to pray and implementing those ideas. I’m writing this blog. I’m goal setting. I’m getting real exercise multiple times per week and pushing myself to do more than I feel capable. I’m reading books about learning methods and entrepreneurship and spiritual disciplines.
What is the prize? A better me for you. Doing the legwork of building who I am so that I’m a better citizen, a better Christ follower and a better friend to those who need it. Because when I hear and see others learning from my example that is the peak I seek. I’ll still fail. But I will fail because I try, not because I fail to try.